My 10 San Francisco Pet Peeves

Not everything is as golden in San Francisco as the Golden Gate Bridge. On my latest trip, it seems that the Silicon Valley boom has given the Bay Area a feel more akin to the crowded cities of the Northeast. These are my 10 pet peeves from a week's stay in San Francisco:

  1. Crossing the Street
    How hard is it to walk in a straight line? Why walk across the flow of foot traffic? Finish crossing the street, people, then turn. It makes all of us happier that way.
  2. Stopping on the Sidewalk
    Why stop in the middle of the sidewalk to look/talk/take a picture/adjust your pants/fart/yell at people/check your phone/watch/etc?! Move to the side if you have to stop. There are too many of us on the sidewalk, and you impede traffic when you stop in the middle without stepping to one side.
  3. Pushing at Crosswalks
    There is a set distance between crosswalks. Pushing passed me only to have to stop and wait for the walk light to change is stupid. We are all going in the same direction, and we will all cross the street together. Be patient, please.
  4. The Chicken Wing
    For those of you who walk with your elbow stuck STRAIGHT OUT while on the phone, I hate you.
  5. Stay in Your Lane
    For those of you who ride long boards and bicycles on the sidewalk during rush hour pedestrian traffic, you are not only asking to get hurt, but if you run into me, I'm not going to be happy. If you still have your teeth, you might lose them. Just saying.
  6. More Than Two Abreast
    If you walk three-people-wide on the sidewalk, you are impeding the flow of traffic for everyone. You can still hear the conversation of your friends if you walk in front of or behind of them. If it bothers you that badly, bring a partner to walk two-by-two. Or get new friends. Seriously.
  7. Overhang
    How can I cross the crosswalk when you have the nose of your car in my way?
  8. Horns/Sirens
    OK, Mr. Fireman and Mr. Police Officer, you can lay off the siren at 3 a.m. Yes, any time now.? And you, the person with the car alarm going off at 2 a.m. There is a special place reserved in hell for you. I'm sure of it.
  9. Starbucks Customers
    Don't push past me to get ahead in line. We are both going to the same place, and you will get your coffee like 4.5 seconds ahead of me. It's not like you will use the time for something useful, say learning a foreign language or anything.
  10. Tourists
    I realize that I'm also in this category, but at least I have the decency to stay out of others' way and not push or jostle people, but for heaven's sake, quit taking pictures of everything. You can walk and take pictures, too. I have done it.

    And to that one foreign tourist, I didn't get out of your way because I was worried you were hurt. Next time, just tell me all you need is for me to move because I'm blocking the bathroom door.