Great Smoky Mountains National Park
"The U.S. Government allows all of the unknown creatures that inhabit the area to kidnap unsuspecting tourists and use them for food."
Badlands National Park
"We drove a million years to see some semi impressive rock formations? And there were RATTLESNAKES everywhere? Dumb. You lose cell service because you're in Nowhere USA. The only thing bad about these lands is entire experience. Waste of time. Thank god I was drunk in the backseat for the majority of the trip." [sic]
Yosemite National Park
"The National Park Service itself confirms that the worst bathroom in the entire system is in Yosemite (at Bridalveil Falls) […] Don't visit Yosemite anymore."
Theodore Roosevelt National Park
"They deleted my other one with three stars about the stinky outhouses."
North Cascades National Park
"I almost got attacked by a grizzly bear…AH HE IS HERE NOW!"
Gateway Arch National Park
"Tore up from the floor up."
Arches National Park
"Delicate arch looks like it might fall over at any time. It might fall over in the future. Doesn't look anything like the license plate."
Joshua Tree National Park
"I'm just shocked that this place gets the high reviews. I guess everyone is smoking too much dope."
Capitol Reef National Park
"American Express is not accepted, and that pretty much ruined our entire visit."
Petrified Forest National Park
"It sucks nothing to see but nature's natural rendering of a modern age gravel quarry." [sic]
Hawai'i Volcanoes National Park
"All we saw was a small caldera emitting some steam from about 100 yards away - no lava flows, no lava streams going into the ocean, no molten lava spitting up into the air."
Carlsbad Caverns National Park
Great Basin National Park
"There were signs on the side of the road that just said 'COW.' Sure enough next to the sign would be a cow sitting either right next to the road or on the road."
Olympic National Park
"I've never been there. I have a friend who lives nearby."
Mammoth Cave National Park
"This park ranger needs to go back for training. He ruined our whole visit and we would never return. [...] He caused my husband to have a panic attack and never wants to go into another cave." [sic]
Channel Islands National Park
"Somalian pirates are in control of the waters right outside the island. They got so close we could see the yellow in there [sic] eyes."
Hot Springs National Park
"I love national parks very very much. But this is not a national park. It is a combination of several 'bathrooms.' I don't know where to even begin."
Sequoia National Park
"This place is dangerous. There are bears, mountain lions, and worst of all, sketchy people. Hide your wives, hide your kids, hide your husbands […]."
Virgin Islands National Park
"I went there for a travel [sic] and all I saw was Fortnite players."
Gates of the Arctic National Park and Preserve
"Mountains not nearly tall enough but at least tundra is thick! Lichen disappointing too."
Lassen Volcanic National Park
Haleakala National Park
"I came to Hawai'i with my wife Sandre to get warm and get away from cold but it was so cold up there on the top of the mountain!" [sic]
Great Sand Dunes National Park and Preserve
"First off, its [sic] hot! Real hot and the sand is blistering!"
Lake Clark National Park and Preserve
"It was the worst time of my life. There is nothing to do there."
Denali National Park and Preserve
"I hardly made it out alive….why didn't you kill me! ugh im so mad." [sic]
Wrangell-St. Elias National Park and Preserve
"Drive in and bring your spare tires!"
Mesa Verde National Park
"Went here but couldn't enter the park to [sic] far as I have a great fear of drop offs!!!"
Grand Teton National Park
"Rent a boat to cruise on lake. Only thing I see is lake and mountains and some trees. Maybe I come at the wrong time." [sic]
Zion National Park
"Scenery is grand and huge and up in the air and distant and impersonal. I got bored fast, and the 109°F heat didn't help in the least."
Canyonlands National Park
"It was too sunny."
Grand Canyon National Park
"After driving and driving around for about 50 mins, you enter the Grand Canyon to find ta-da: a great big hole."
Bryce Canyon National Park
"Unbelieveable beautiful" [sic]
Death Valley National Park
"There is a bit of color near the entrance, and a tiny bit inside, otherwise…I paid $20 for nothing but nasty rock and salt."
Glacier National Park
"Where are the glaciers??? That's the whole reason I can here for."
Indiana Dunes National Park
"We were so excited when we saw the sand and water but moments after setting foot on the beach we were attacked by big black bitting flys. They would chase us in groups and the bites hurt!!"
Yellowstone National Park
"When we got out the car, the smell of sulfur nearly knocked my girlfriend off her feet and the stench followed us through the day as it clung to our clothes and hair."
Voyageurs National Park
"Would be great if you are into fishing but since I am not." [sic]
Kenai Fjords National Park
"Most boring 5 hours of my life! Half the boat was laying across seats sleeping! I can only assume that the others who wrote glowing reviews for this would be excited at watching grass grow."
Isle Royale National Park
"It was beautiful, but the problem was, when I was there, I was constantly worrying about my dog. I couldn't bring him with us, so the little fluff was in a kennel."
Shenandoah National Park
"Flew over it."
Kobuk Valley National Park
"It is very unique (like an arctic desert should be)...but it's so mysteriously silent and lonely."
Guadalupe Mountains National Park
"Ranch museum was closed because of the trees, but the trees looked fine to me."
Conagree National Park
"It was a very chilly day. They need to spray for bugs. To many trees, they should consider removing all trees." [sic]
Kings Canyon National Park
"Only saw one bench on the map. Turned out to just be another lake that does NOT have benches."
Mount Rainier National Park
"[…] it makes me remember an episode of The Cosby Show where Vanessa is engaged to someone, and Bill Cosby says that it was like a juicy piece of steak presented on a trash can lid."
Pinnacles National Park
"Trip was awful - always too hot and there are gnats everywhere."
Wind Cave National Park
" [...] However, there were two forks and at the first you were supposed to go right, which we weren't told. Half our group (around 20 out of 39) got lost because of going left."
Rocky Mountain National Park
"Way to rocky for my taste. Plus a cougar stole my pants, what is he going to do with them? They definitely weren't his size." [sic]
Acadia National Park
"The root problem with Acadia is a very unhealthy forest and actual NPS services. The forest is so overgrown that I actually wish that people would bring in wood, with all the associated pests, from other areas."
Big Bend National Park
" [...] They didn't expect to get any electricity for at least half a week. Have you ever camped with a woman for half a week where there is no available warm running water anywhere? They start to stink. And complain. [...] Thanks a lot Obama."
Biscayne National Park
"We rented the canoes. The guy from the store kept pushing us into the trees for like 3 times, making the branch poke us before he push us out in the lake." [sic]
Redwood National and State Parks
"Gabriel and I watched a very long documentary about these woods and we were very upset!!!!!"
Saguaro National Park
Glacier Bay National Park and Preserve
"Looks like the photos, cool to say you've been there but other than that.. yup."
Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park
"Hmmm will not forget"
Everglades National Park
Dry Tortugas National Park
Crater Lake National Park
"Ok yes the water is very blue. And then also the water is quite blue, not to mention that the water is very blue. Mosciqitos ate the whole family alive, we left after 1 hour." [sic]
Cuyahoga Valley National Park
"Nope, Fortnite is better."
National Park of American Samoa
"Access limited on main island with most trails closed due to recent cyclone and few roads."
Katmai National Park and Preserve
"This place smeelllss." [sic]