10. Eat Your Veggies
"Couples Stay Away!"
This couple thought they could relax and gorge on dessert while on vacation. What they didn't bargain for was a chef trying out the new healthy menu on them. Someone get them a bagel.
9. Much Beach, Very Sand
“Beach is too sandy. But clear water.”
Have you never been to a beach before? Isn't sand kind of the whole point? Anyway, we're confused about what the actual complaint is here.
8. No Kiss Goodnight
“Only adequate at half the price”
This reviewer clearly didn't take the hint from housekeeping: there's some attraction between this occupant and the maid. See what we did there? But really, this is a case of when one man's trash ISN'T another's treasure.
7. This Place Is Abuzz
“Find someplace else”
Nature is an unpredictable beast. We could say that the hotel probably could have sprayed off the balcony, but clearly you're doing something wrong if you walk straight into a beehive.
6. I Drink Your Milkshake
“Horrid Experience!!!! NEVER STAY THERE!!”
Someone's a little dramatic. We're hoping this manager was practicing his lines for an important callback. Otherwise, there are some Marxist anti-capitalist issues he needs to work out on his own.
5. We're Not In Kansas Anymore
Clearly these people didn't get the memo that the third floor corridor was out of bounds to students. But is Fluffy really an "animal?" Three-headed dogs are definitely the things nightmares are made of.
4. Home Video Memories
We're all for open and honest communication between parents and children, but even this might have been a little premature.
3. You Serious Clark?
We detect a hint of sarcasm here. On the plus side, Steven King should really write more travel reviews because this horror story setup has chills running down our spine.
2. Humble Brag
“Do not waste your money here”
We're not sure if this is a complaint against the hotel or just some cathartic writing to help feel better about a personal problem? Either way, we have to say we're impressed with the ingenious way you took matters into your own hands.
1. Hands Off
“DONT GO - ITS A RIP OFF”
To be fair, we're not exactly sure that a dolphin could hug you back, but we sure would like to see it try. Maybe tickling the dolphin next time instead of poking it would be a better plan, and the trainer will begin to relax around you.